Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Everything is Amplified

It's weird to think how different or the same your life was 3 months ago. There were times in my life where I felt like nothing changed in a year and other times when so much went on that I thought it had to be 5 years that just passed. Lately it feels eerily like we're just getting back into a routine of life from several months ago. I feel healthier and more energetic than I have in a long time and we are doing normal things like planning Talyn's 4th birthday party.

Ryan is doing really well, but everything now seems really amplified. A few weeks ago he was doing better than he had been since October, 2008. He seemed really interested in what was going on in the world, was talking about work and was very engaged with Talyn. I had my guard up to it initially, but then I let it down and really enjoyed the old Ryan returning.

The doctors have been really happy with his progress and so have put him on a reduction plan for the steroids (the drugs that help with any inflammation around the tumour). Last week he went down another step and then he started having a few symptoms. Mild headaches, extreme fatigue and feeling really groggy and heavy headed most of the day. To anyone else, these symptoms might just indicate a flu coming on, but for us every little thing is amplified. So, the guard went quickly back up and I waited to see what else might come.

Monday night he had some mild seizures and I tried to manage the possibility of them becoming more. Because Jo-Ann is in Regina right now, while this was happening I had Ryan laying on the bed and I was watching every change in him very closely and Talyn was on the other side of me. He was trying to watch TV, but every few minutes he'd turn to Ryan with a very concerned look on his face and I would try to reassure him that daddy was ok.

Nothing more did happen, but Ryan went in to see his doctor's the next morning and they re-increased his steroids back up a level. Since then his symptoms have gone away and we have tried to return back to normal again. But of course the feeling of doubt sits on both of our shoulders most of the day anyhow. Ryan has his next MRI scheduled for Tuesday and we will get the results on Thursday morning. It was actually kind of funny because I am seeing my oncologist for a check up on Thursday morning too, so we had to try and align our appointments.

Throughout all of this, another close friend of mine who has been prone to seizures had another flare up. They ran some initial tests and they all came back normal, which is great. But it made us all ponder the question....would you rather know what is wrong, even if it's serious, and have a plan to treat it, or never know and just hope that it goes away? They are continuing to look into things for her, but I do hope they give her some answers soon, as I would definitely rather know and have a plan!

One of the most exciting things going on in my life is that we are launching our first support night for Rethink Breast Cancer on Sunday, May 3. When I first signed up to work with them, my goal was to create something great for young women dealing with breast cancer in Calgary and now we've done it! It feels really great to have done something so meaningful. If you know anyone that might benefit from this program, here is a link for more details

In the world around me, I have some friends that are doing many things to support cancer research - walks & crazy long rides! I thank you all for doing what you can to end this thing once and for all, too many great people have lost their lives to cancer.