Monday, March 23, 2009

Where is my time best spent?

This is a question that everyone asks all the time, but I have been asking myself it a lot lately. I have been thinking back to when the last time in my life was that I didn't feel pulled. I think it was before we had Talyn. Before that, there were two ideas of what to do in any given moment, but now it seems like there are several competing priorities all of the time.

I talk to my mommy friends about mommy guilt, but now I feel like it's amplified. Talyn has been experiencing some problems as a result of all of the trauma he has had in his life since he was one. So, he is attending play therapy and it has been really eye opening for Ryan and I. Not only are we learning how much our cancer has affected Talyn, but we're also seeing how our parenting skills have been less than perfect throughout.

Ryan's MRI showed that he is responding to the Avastin, so they will continue to look every 2 months at its progress. Although the news was really great, I still can't shake the doubt over the long term success. I guess that is what happens once you've been dealing with the ups and downs for so long. He has been able to reduce some of his medications and that has brought the old ryan back again. His only real side effects are his growing fatigue and his short term memory (which they say should get better after the full affects of radiotherapy are through).

But perspective really is everything in life isn't it? I have a friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer around the same time of my original diagnosis and she has been fighting an extremely hard battle. But unfortunately her cancer was much more agressive than mine and her life has been fairly challenging lately. She needs help walking and gets dizzy quite easily, but last week told me that she was attending a deep water workout class and asked if I wanted to go!

With the world economy continuing to be so volatile, friends of mine are also losing their jobs. Some of them, the breadwinner of the family. So, although my life has its challenges and I'm sure yours does to, there's always a dose of perspective to bring us back to reality. Everyone has ups and downs, so spend your time wisely on things that make you feel strong, happy and fulfilled!