The last week has felt like a month in some ways. I needed 1 day to feel complete shock, 2 days to feel sorry for myself and then I finally woke up on Sunday morning feeling like I had some fight back in me. So, of course the first thing that I had to do was get organized. Tricia came with me and we scoured Calgary to find a new book to store all of my old and new cancer documents.
Although I am mostly feeling good, I do have the odd feeling of worry that creeps up when I start thinking about the range of possibilities ahead. The things that have kept me really up include the many nice emails and blog posts that I have received. Although many people don't know what to say, I encourage them all to say exactly that if they want! We also went for a nice dinner with Erin & Steve (our neighbours) which allowed us to feel normal for 2 whole hours.
Last week I had a mammogram and an ultrasound. They provided me with a document that stated that they had seen no abnormalities. Tricia calls this a "negative assurance". It just means that they didn't see anything worrisome. But since these tests can't see everything, we don't know for sure that there isn't anything there. Although it's not "for sure" news, it is something positive.
Today I had a bone scan and then a cat scan. These are the big tests! I have a follow up appointment to review these next thursday morning, but I asked that they call me if they get them any sooner. This will then tell me what I am dealing with and then we'll discuss treatment options.
To keep me inspired, I started reading Lance Armstrong's book. Throughout all of the reading that I have been doing on my situation, the statistics have shown that I have anywhere from a 25-80% chance of this not ending well. Lance had similar odds, but he beat it all and I need to understand how he did that. Right now I'm at the part when he just found out how bad things are and what his treatment options are. So, I'm hoping to quickly fast forward to the part when he finishes his treatments and kicks this cancer for good!
The next week will be really hard. I will be going to work and spending time with Tricia and my family as I always would, but will always have this lingering wonder in the back of my mind. What will the next few months hold for me? I am not the most patient person, so this will be another test for me.
The more time that passes, the more accepting I am of this new challenge. It has pushed me to want to do something more for cancer fighters everywhere. Once I finish my direct involvement with fighting this disease, I plan to use some of my time and energy to help others do the same. With a great support system like all of you, anything is possible!
Dear Tasha,
ReplyDeleteWe drop in often to catch up on your "journey". While this latest "negative assurance" gives us guarded hope, it also increases our anticipation.
We can certainly understand the impatience you feel when you are waiting for test results. If we are this anxious to hear your latest news, we can only imagine how the time between tests and results must drag for you.
Lance Armstrong's book sounds inspirational. The fact that you can "fast forward" to his greatest victory over cancer must make you feel that anything is possible for you as well. We choose to believe that, too.
You will be in our thoughts often throughout the coming week as you go about your daily routines and wait for whatever challenge awaits you.
Louise and David Butcher