Thursday, January 31, 2008

Some "Normalcy"

I've had a busy last week. On Saturday night, Ryan and I had a night of "normalcy" and attended his year end party. I was in admiration and awe as he won 3 of 7 awards handed out. Imagine if only one of us had cancer this year what he could have done!!!

On Sunday I flew to Denver to visit the staff in the office. It was the first time that I was able to travel there in 3 years and it felt like a real milestone to be back. We went for dinner at the Brown Palace, which is where all the presidents stay when they are in Denver and the historian of the hotel gave us a ghost tour. There were enough stories to make you wonder how it could possibly be fabricated. What I was concerned about is that they don't tell people about these when they book into the "ghost" rooms...that doesn't seem to have a lot of integrity - does it?

I arrived back home late last night and spent the day today getting our house cleaned up and preparing for tomorrow. I found out that my surgery is scheduled for 1 pm, so if I wake up prior to 6 am...I can have a coffee! My parents got here today and my mom made her home made soup to remind me of the comfort of home and calm my anxieties.

Talyn has also been a bit too intuitive for my liking. He reminded me which of my breasts is "sick" and which one is "not sick" and then he did something that brought tears to my eyes. I must have been feeling a bit down one day and he asked me for some stickers. Once I gave them to him he went upstairs and asked me to stay downstairs. A while later, he came down and handed me the empty sheet and said "all done". When I asked him what he did with them, he just changed the subject. So, I put him to bed that night as usual and went to go to bed myself and noticed that my sheets had been pulled back. Talyn had placed a row of sparkly stickers right by my pillow to make me smile. I went into his room and thanked him for the stickers. He said "mommy all better now?" and I of course welled up with tears and said "yes, Talyn makes mommy all better."

I have had lots of apprehension around the surgery coming up, but only because I have had some severe reactions to the anasthetics in all of my past surgeries. But when I really think about my fears, I am not worried about the surgery at all, but the results meeting next Thursday. Every time that we have gotten pathology results, they have never been what we thought and even with me thinking about every possible scenario in advance, the results always seem to surprise me.

Ryan and Tricia will be making some calls after my surgery to confirm what we already know, that it will all go well. My parents will also be at our house for anyone who is curious and wants to call them. Around 1 pm tomorrow, please think positive, deep cutting and cancer retrieving thoughts for me! Although tomorrow makes me anxious, I know that it is only the first step in my new fight and it will be building me up for what's to come. And whenever my confidence wavers, I will remind myself of the sparkly stickers that Talyn gave me. Such a small gesture that made a huge difference.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Tasha,
    When we checked your blog site today, we certainly did not expect a brand new posting from you. Coming one day before your surgery, it is a gem in so many ways! Thank you!

    Congratulations to Ryan on receiving three awards at his year end party; and well done, both of you, for being there together for the occasion.

    Kudos to your parents, too, for arriving exactly when you need them and especially for your Mom who calmed your anxieties with her homemade soup.

    And little Talyn has just the right healing touch. His row of sparkly stickers makes a wonderful opening picture for your latest posting, Tasha. The story of Talyn's quiet, loving project, done to make his "mommy all better" is the stuff of "Chicken Soup for the Soul". He made you cry at the time; and today, your account of Talyn's gesture has brought tears to our eyes, too.

    Even as we are writing this message, your surgery is happening, Tasha. We can think of nothing else as we send positive, healing energy your way.

    We will watch your blog for surgery and pathology results with unwavering hope and optimism.
    Louise and David