What a difference a day makes!

My acupuncturist is always bugging me to try and get my emotions out more. He doesn't want me to "stay" there, but to get some of them out, then return back to today. My worry has always been that if I let them out, they might not be able to stop. That's how I felt the last day. Tired, frustrated, weighed down and grey.

Tonight after speaking with Ryan's doctors, I was lifted out of the grey and back into the light. We have a plan now and that feels a whole lot better. They have reviewed his case and agreed that more radiation is not an option, surgery is also likely a no (but will have confirmation in the next week), but they do have one chemotherapy drug left that they are willing to try. It is called CCNU and he did take it back in 1997.

We will meet with the doctors on Tuesday, get the new chemo pills and instructions and he will start that night. It is an oral drug that will be taken once every 6 weeks. It is so toxic that it takes 6 weeks for his body to recover enough to do another round. The doctors can't predict exactly how he'll react. Some patients are a bit tired and some very tired, so we'll have to see.

After the first round, they will do another MRI and check to see whether it's working. About 25% of patients respond to this treatment and those that do see their tumour hold for up to 6 months. Ryan has always done well, so we are hopeful that he will again with this treatment. However, we are still researching a plan B in case we need it, so please pass on any ideas you have.

Yesterday life felt hopeless and one day later, there is much more hope. Ryan is ready to fight and I am not willing to give up either. Cancer continues to challenge our world, but it will have to try harder - we are not giving up that easy!

Merry Christmas to you all and your families, take in what you have and be grateful.